【智梦顾问专栏】In Pursuit of the Sublime 在追求卓越的路上
In Pursuit of the Sublime （智梦主顾问吴天磊 编译）
在追求卓越的路上
(原作者系约翰霍普金斯大学2020届学生)
译者按：2020届JHU新生Kaylee，以“写作”为切入点，深刻剖析了自己作为一个华裔女孩在自我认知道路上的升华，并最终找到自我的心路历程。
Goal: 40,000.
I wrote because it made me somebody else—somebody who mattered.
The power of writing, I believed, existed solely in one’s ability to pursue the sublime. So I wrote to create different, better manifestations of my life.
I grew up dreaming and writing (and thinking they were the same) about being a Hermione Granger with Harry as my sidekick battling twenty Voldemorts (twenty!); my stories were dynamic.
字数目标：40,000字。
我写作，是因为写作可以让我成为另一个人 – 一个重要的人。我相信，写作的力量在于我对完美的追求。通过写作我得以创造不同的，更好的我自己人生的注解。
我在成长的过程中，一边做着梦，一边写下我自己如何成为像哈利波特中赫敏格兰杰一样的女英雄，与我的队友并肩作战 打败20个伏地魔的故事（我内心告诉自己，做梦和写书这两件事没有本质上的区别）。我的故事燃爆了。
译者点评：作者开章明义 以自己的一大爱好
Status: 500.
My mom once joked that I should audition for the role of Cho Chang. I threw a chopstick at her. Cho Chang was weak, so terribly weak that Harry dumped her.
I knew why she said it though—I rarely existed in books and when I did, I was the Cho Chang, the inconsequential, insignificant Asian girl who could never assert herself.
In a fit of spite, I killed my Hermione, realizing I could never be her.
字数报告：500字。
我妈妈曾和我开玩笑说我应该去试镜Cho Chang的角色（秋张， 哈利波特里的华裔女孩角色，译者注）。我拿筷子砸她，因为在我看来，秋张很脆弱 太脆弱以至于哈利甩了她。
然而我知道妈妈为什么这么说。我自己这个角色，很少出现在我的作品中，就算出现，也只是像秋张那样，一个微不足道的，永远不能坚持自己的亚裔女孩。
我意识到，自己永远不能成为我书里的赫敏了。出于嫉妒的心理，我在书中杀死了她。
Status: 1,000.
Somebody once told me to read The Joy Luck Club but I never bothered. A book about a bunch of Cho Changs couldn’t possibly be sublime.
Instead, I buried myself in the books hidden under my bed, away from Mom, about girls in high school who didn’t do anything besides fall in love. So, to improve my own story, I decided to fall in love with the first boy to call me pretty.
I was satisfied.
字数报告：1,000字。
有人曾推荐我读Joy Luck Club（小说喜福会 描写了旅美华裔母女在美国的遭遇，译者注）但我一直懒得去读。一本关于一帮子秋张的书，能有什么好的。
相反的，我把自己埋在那种描绘除了高中生恋爱没有其他内容的书里，并疏远了我的妈妈。于是，为了让自己写的故事更精彩，我决定爱上第一个夸我漂亮的男生。
我很满足。
Status: 8,000.
Living life vicariously was comfortable and easy.
Perhaps that’s why, at fifteen, I paid no mind to my grandpa’s deteriorating health or my dad’s anxiety. Because these were not the kinds of pain I had ever read about, I didn’t find them good enough to write about.
So, I went looking for better inspiration—for more mockeries of love, ways to validate my insecurities, and priorities that shouldn’t have been labeled as such.
It was all so cool that I couldn’t stop writing about it.
字数报告：8,000字。
只活在自己的想象中，是一件很简单也很舒服的事。
也许这就是为什么 在十五岁的年纪 我从不怎么关心祖父日益恶化的健康状况以及我患有焦虑症的爸爸。因为这些是我在书中从未读过的痛苦，而我从来不觉得读这样的内容有多少乐趣。
于是 我去找寻更好的灵感 – 来自爱情的嘲讽；不安全感的加深；以及被错误安放的优先级。
我不停地写这些肤浅的题材。
Status: 11,000.
During this magnificent, glorious streak of writing, dreaming, and pretending, I learned that 40,000 words make a novel.
I had to do it. Once I get published, everybody would get a taste of my sublimity. Mom and Dad would be so impressed. I’d probably even become famous! Hence, I became fervently obsessed with word count and cared for little else.
字数报告：11,000字。
在这史无前例的，连续的写作，做梦，假装的过程中，我发现只要写出四万字就可以完成一部小说。
我一定要写成它。一旦我出版这本书，我就可以让每个人感受到我的伟大。爸妈会为之折服，我甚至还有可能出名！渐渐地，我疯狂地迷上了字数的增减，其他的都不管不顾了。
Status: 15,000.
But then I turned seventeen and finally began to process what I had experienced years earlier. I had been witness to my grandpa, reduced to flesh and bones (but hardly any flesh), barely clinging to life in a maggot-infested hospital in Dengzhou—something I had forced myself to forget.
Suddenly, I couldn’t keep pretending that crafting a fictitious version of my life on paper could replace what is real.
I erased everything.
Status: 0.
字数报告：15000字。
我十七岁了。十七岁的我 终于开始学会回想和总结我这些年的经历。我曾经见证了我的祖父 从健康红润到皮包骨头，在邓州的医院里久卧床头，垂死挣扎。我逼着自己去遗忘这些画面。
恍然之间，我意识到，我永远都不可能用纸面上的浮华来替代我真正的人生。
我决定删去以前写的所有稿子。
字数报告：0字。
I started over. 重新开始。
I wrote about my real thoughts, my family, the times I was happy, and the times I was not. I wrote about my grandpa. 我开始写下我真正的想法，记录我的家庭，我快乐的和悲伤的时光。我写下和祖父的事。
I showed Dad. I thought he’d be proud. 我给我爸爸读了，我以为他会因此感到骄傲。
He was not. 然而他没有。
What? You wrote this? Why? What are you trying to prove? “什么？这些是你写的？你想表达什么呢？”
Nothing. 没什么。
For the first time, nothing. I’m just writing about life. 破天荒的，我不想表达什么，只是想记录自己的生活。
But you should keep that private. It’s too revealing and distressing. It’s not… 可是你应该注意点隐私啊，这写得太露骨了，也太惨兮兮了。
Sublime. 好极了。
I know. 我知道。
It’s. Not. Sublime. 好什么，糟透了。
I crumbled. 我崩溃了。
Then came the summer before my senior year. I finally read The Joy Luck Club. 到了我高三前的那个暑假，我终于读完了《喜福会》。
In the entire novel, I didn’t come across a single Cho Chang. What took the place of sublimity, instead, were real people. Mothers and daughters who breathe and hurt and love. 整本书中，我没有读到一个秋张类似的人物。相反的，主角都是真实的，有血有肉的人。母亲，女儿。她们也会呼吸，会受伤，会相爱，会流泪。
I laughed and cried and began to write. 在感动的泪水和欢乐的笑容里，我拿起了笔。
Status: Not counting anymore. 字数报告：不再计字数。
I don’t write to create the next Hermione, become the best cliché, or impress Mom and Dad. I write to express the thoughts that are most real to me, ones I cannot confine any longer. 我写书，不再是为了写下一个赫敏格兰杰，陈词滥调似的故事情节和人物设定，仅仅为了让爸妈夸我。我写作，以表达对我来说最真切的想法，我不再受任何限制。
I am real and I care about being real—that is my power, not just as a writer but as a person. 我，是真实的，我，想要变得真实 – 这是我的能量，不仅仅作为一个笔者，更作为一个人。
译者点评：从一开始的迷失和声音被同化乃至淹没 到文章结尾掷地有声的表达 写作的意义 在于对自身identity的发掘 作者通过自己对写作的热爱，完成了深刻的自省。在表达自己诉求的同时 也巧妙地展现给招生官 自己对文学创作的理解 即创作的本源来自于生活。作为一个华裔 在成长的过程中 一直在中国人和美国人的自我认知中摇摆 能找到自我 实属不易。
【这是范文分享赏析系列的第一篇。智梦将会搜罗美国名校录取学生的经典申请好文进行翻译和点评，并分享给大家，希望可以给您有所启发。】