作者简介：Meg Jay是一名专门研究20多岁的临床心理学家，她是弗吉尼亚大学临床助理教授，在弗吉尼亚的夏洛茨维尔有一家私人诊所。她获得了加州大学伯克利分校在性别研究领域的临床心理学博士学位，并以优异的成绩获得了弗吉尼亚大学心理学本科文凭。

The post-millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car. It's realizing you can't have that career you now want. It's realizing you can't have that child you now want, or you can't give your child a sibling. Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room, and say about their 20s, "What was I doing? What was I thinking?"

上个千年之后的中年危机不在于能否买一辆红色的敞篷车，是在于发现自己的职业不是自己想要的。是在于发现你无法生你想要的孩子，或者无法给自己的孩子一个同胞。有太多太多的三十几岁的人和四十几岁的人先看看自己，然后看看坐在房间另一边的我，然后讨论他们的二十几岁这个时间段。“我当时在做什么？我当时在想什么？”

I want to change what twentysomethings are doing and thinking.

我想改变二十几岁的人的所做与所思。

Here's a story about how that can go. It's a story about a woman named Emma. At 25, Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis. She said she thought she might like to work in art or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet, so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead. Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition. And as hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder. She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, "You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."

我来讲一个关于如何这么做的故事。这是一个关于一位叫Emma的女性的故事。25岁时，Emma来到我的办公室。因为她，用她的话来讲，正在经历一个身份危机。她说她认为她想从事艺术或者娱乐，但她还没决定，所以前几年她花在做服务员上了。因为比较便宜，她和她那展现脾气比志向更频繁的男朋友住在一起。而无论她的二十几岁有多么困难，她以前的生活更困难。她在会面时经常哭，但会说“你无法选择你的家庭，但是你能选择你的朋友。” 然后平定下来。

Well one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she sobbed for most of the hour. She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts, but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words "In case of emergency, please call ... ." She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, "Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck? Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"

有一天，Emma走进来，把头放在膝盖上，然后哭了近一个小时。她刚买了一个新的地址薄， 然后她花了一个上午填她的联系人，但是她只能呆呆的看着 “在紧急情况下，请拨打...” 这一串字后面的空白。她近歇斯底里的看着我并说：“如果我出车祸了谁会照顾我？如果我的癌症了谁会照顾我？”

Now in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, "I will." But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared. Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance. I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.

当时，我花了很大力气才避免说“我会”。但Emma需要的并不是一位非常非常关心她的治疗师。Emma需要一个更好的生活，而且我知道这是她的机会。自从我在Alex身上下功夫后我学到了很多，所以我不会让Emma那具有决定作用的十年就这么流逝掉。

So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every twentysomething, male or female, deserves to hear.

所以在接下来的几周和几个月中，我告诉了Emma 三个每个二十几岁的人，不论男女，都应该听到东西。

First,I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital. By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are. Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next. I didn't know the future of Emma's career, and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this: Identity capital begets identity capital. So now is the time for that cross-country job, that internship, that startup you want to try. I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count, which, by the way, is not exploration. That's procrastination. I told Emma to explore work and make it count.

首先，我告诉Emma忘了她的身份危机，然后开始积累身份资本。我所说的“积累身份资本”就是指为你自己增加价值。做一项对你接下来想是什么样子的的投资。我当时不知道Emma的职业的未来，而且没人知道自己的工作的未来，但是我知道这些：身份资本会招来更多的身份资本。这是接受那份跨国职业，那份实习和你想试试的那个起步的时候。我不是在漠视二十几岁的人的探索，但是我在漠视毫无意义的探索，而且那些按道理来讲不能叫探索。那叫拖延时间。我叫Emma试验各种工作而且让它们算数。

Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated. Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport, but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know, what they know, how they think, how they speak, and where they work. That new piece of capital, that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle. New things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends. So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed. But half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group. Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that un-posted job. It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.

其次，我告诉Emma城市部落被高估了。找好朋友来搭车至机场很棒，但二十几岁的人若和思维方式相似的同龄人聚在一起，他们所知道的人，他们所知道的事，他们的思维方式，他们的讲话方式以及他们的工作地点就会受到限制。而那个新的资本，那个新的可以约出去的人几乎总是从内部圈子之外来的。新的事物从我们所谓的微弱的联系中来，比如我们的朋友的朋友的朋友。是的，大概有一半的二十几岁的人未就业或者未充分就业。但有一半不是这样的，而微弱的联系就是把你自己加入那一个团体的方式。有一半的新职位不会被张贴出来，而联系到你的邻居的老板就是你拿到那份未被张贴的工作的方法。这不是作弊。这是关于信息如何传递的科学。

Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends. Now this was true for her growing up, but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own. I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now. Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20, or even 25, and I agree with you. But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress. The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work. Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.

最后，Emma相信一个人不能选择家庭，但可以选择朋友。在她的成长过程中这是没错的， 但作为一个二十几岁的人，很快Emma就要通过和某人结伴，创造一个家庭来选择她自己的家庭。我告诉Emma选择家庭的时间就是现在。你可能会认为30岁是一个比20岁，甚至是25岁更好的安定下来的时间，而且我也同意。但当你在别的人开始进入结婚礼堂时，抓紧和你同居或睡觉的人不叫进步。在婚事上下功夫的最好时间就是结婚之前，意思就是对待爱情就要像对待工作一样富有意识。选择家庭就是有意识的选择你想要的人和物，而不是单单想让事情成功或者和选择你的那个人浪费时间。

So what happened to Emma? Well, we went through that address book, and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state. That weak tie helped her get a job there. That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live-in boyfriend. Now, five years later, she's a special events planner for museums. She's married to a man she mindfully chose. She loves her new career, she loves her new family, and she sent me a card that said, "Now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough."

那Emma后来怎么样了？嗯，我们翻了翻那个地址薄，然后她发现她的一个老室友的一位亲人在另一个州的一个艺术博物馆工作。那个微弱的联系帮她在那里找到一份工作。那份工作给她一个离开她的同居男友的理由。现在，5年过去了，她是一些博物馆的特殊活动规划者。她和一位她有意识地选择了的人结婚了。她爱她的新职业，她爱他的新家庭，她还给我一张上面写着 “现在紧急联系人一栏似乎不够大了。”的卡片。

Now Emma's story made that sound easy, but that's what I love about working with twentysomethings. They are so easy to help. Twentysomethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX, bound for somewhere west. Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji. Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break, one good TED Talk, can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.

Emma的故事让这件事听起来非常简单，但这就是我喜欢和二十几岁的人工作的原因。要帮助他们实在太容易了。二十几岁的人就像刚离开洛杉矶国际机场的，目的地在西边某地的航班。起飞之后，航线的一个小调整就是落在阿拉斯加还是落在斐济的区别。同理，在21岁或者25岁甚至是29岁时，一个好的聊天，一次好的休息，一个好的TED演讲可以对接下来的几年甚至是几代人有非常大的影响。

So here's an idea worth spreading to every twentysomething you know. It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex. It's what I now have the privilege of saying to twentysomethings like Emma every single day: Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now.

这里给出一个值得传播给每个你认识的二十几岁的人的想法。它和我学到的该跟Alex说的话一样简单。它就是现在我有权利每天对像Emma一样的二十几岁的人说的话：30岁不再是新的20岁，所以把握好你的成年时期，积累一些身份资本，利用你的微弱联系 并且选择好你的家庭。别被你不知道的事或者没做的事定义。现在，你就在决定你的生命。

文中生词：

Benign：adj.

1) (formal) (of people 人 )kind and gentle; not hurting anybody 善良的；和善的；慈祥的

2) (medical 医) (of tumours growing in the body 体内生长的肿瘤 )not dangerous or likely to cause death 良性的 OPP malignant

Transformative：adj.有改革能力的，变化的，变形的;

Tricky：adj. (形势、工作等)复杂的, 棘手的；狡猾的, 诡计多端的；机警的;足智多谋的；微妙的;难处理的

Adolescence：noun [U] the time in a person's life when he or she develops from a child into an adult 青春期；青春 SYN puberty

Trivialized：v.<贬>使显得琐碎[不重要、不难等]，轻视( trivialize的过去式和过去分词 )

Incompatible：adj.

1) ~ (with sth) two actions, ideas, etc. that are incompatible are not acceptable or possible together because of basic differences（与某事物）不一致，不相配

2) two people who are incompatible are very different from each other and so are not able to live or work happily together （与某人）合不来，不能和睦相处

3) ~ (with sth) two things that are incompatible are of different types so that they cannot be used or mixed together （与某物）不匹配；配伍禁忌的；不兼容；互斥的

Hysterical：adj.

1) in a state of extreme excitement, and crying, laughing, etc. in an uncontrolled way 歇斯底里的；情绪狂暴不可抑止的

2) (informal) extremely funny 极其可笑的 SYN hilarious

Therapist：n.治疗专家，特定疗法技师

原文链接：

http://v.163.com/movie/2013/3/U/A/M937IFCGB_M937IJLUA.html

【智梦简介】

智梦是一家专注美国本科留学的教育咨询机构。

我们的使命：

“智梦教育团队深知留学申请关系到学生及其家长的前途和未来，我们将竭尽所能帮助每一位智梦学员发掘其潜在的特质，以开放透明的申请方式，让他们能不留遗憾的争取到自己的理想学校。与此同时，培养他们成为诚实守信、独立思考、德才兼备的国际化人才。”

我们的愿景：

“智梦教育将成为一所发掘学术兴趣，培养学术能力，塑造具有公民意识的新时代留学生的学校。”